Love, Rebekah

"Of course I want to be there for my sons. Of course I wanted to be in their lives, but when you're in and out of hospital every two and a half years..."

All of Rebekah's artwork is down here, in the living room. It looks like all of her life is also here. Why is she not using the upper floor of her flat all?

We learn her children no longer live with her. The eldest, son of an arranged marriage to a man from Bangladesh, hasn't been in touch with her for more than a decade. She wishes to see him again.

She speaks about family again.

Her second eldest does visits her from time to time. He left her a note recently and it reads:

'Hi mum

Sorry were not here to say goodbye [...] hope you have a nice relax on your retreat [...] by the way you need another bin liner as you ran out.

Thanks again and love you lots'

Her mental ill health made sure she lives on her own. The father of her second son took both of her boys, including her eldest son, into his care. No longer being able to be there for them, she is grateful both of them were raised in a stable household.

Stability is only one of Rebekah's desires. It's May 2015.

"If I can do this for a whole year,  then 'wow'. That's a massive achievement for myself. I've been consistent for something."

"But when your sons are over an age they can absorb what's going on... you know? Then it'll affect their mental health, wouldn't it? So I had to protect them, by them staying at their dad' was to protect them from mommy's instability, so they could have a stable life. They could grow up normal. They're my gifts into this world. They're beautiful children. I wanted to keep their innocence as long as possible. I don't want them to wake up: 'oh mommy, why you're cutting your arms? Why is there blood everywhere?'"

Back in her living room. It is rather tidy. Books on the shelves along with other objects of memories. More paintings, some drawings, sketchbooks and photographs. There is a TV and a Nintendo Wii next to it. Two controllers. No sign of a player 2, though.

She makes lunch. Keeping consistent.


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